12.11.2009

Japan through the looking glass. Geisha

2:01 AM


Thought you guys would enjoy this! It's lovely.


12.09.2009

Nerdy Ninja as Anna Mae :)

12:40 AM

Holy Giant pictures Batman!
Anyway I just entered a makeup contest thought you turkeys might want to check it out! Enjoy!


KUntil next time... Remember to wash your belly buttons!

11.25.2009

Just in time for Thanksgiving! WTF Turkey Cakes!

12:15 AM

Above is a picture of an actual turkey. I'm including this because after looking at these pictures I'm not sure how many people are familiar with the appearance of said animal.


#25
This cake looks a little too real. Gross.

# 24
Gladly little guy, let's just put you back in this box.


#23
I believe this is called Copy Right Infringement.


#22
I realize the water mark says "cakes by Sam", but I SWEAR I had
nothing to do with this atrocity.

#21
Yes, because the realness of the menacing turkey face
distracts you from the train wreck behind it.

#20

Greasy? Glossy? Glistening? Candied? Fuck if I know.


#19
If I'm not mistaken that's Fozzy Bear doing his best turkey impersonation.
Woka Woka!

I'm not sure the technical name for that red flappy thing, but what
I do know is, that it makes me want to vomit.


#17
It looks like someone beat me to it.


#16
One word...Testicles. You see it I know you do.


#15

Uhm....good job?


#14

Mmmm chocolate and feathers! YUM!


#13

Cake by Helen Keller.


#12
Rooster? Porcupine? Pride Float? Sure, why not.


#11

At lest the shape is right...sorta.


#10

Turd Turkey does NOT approve!


#9

Now with C-section scar! Delicious!



#8
See why I felt the need to show an actual turkey?
People have a VERY loose grasp on bird anatomy.


#7

After seeing this cake I doubt Joe stuck around to see his 21st.


#6

This regal turkey wanted to look his best before his was
killed, plucked and shoved with sage stuffing. Lovely.


#5

This is what rabies looks like. DO NOT WANT!


#4

In soviet Russia turkey eat you! RUUUUN!!!!


#3

ZOMBIE! KILL IT! KILL IT! DOUBLE TAP!


#2

This looks slightly pornographic. Also it's early.


#1

Holy shit.



Hope you guys enjoyed! Happy Turkey DAY!!!!
-NN

9.05.2009

Zombies? Yes, Please.

6:28 PM


If and when the zombie apocalypse occurs other than Liam Neeson, Woody Harrelson would be my insane mother fucker of choice to help me fend of flesh eating little girls.




While I am an absolute fan of a good zombie movie, comedies in this genre usually fall short in one or more places. Such as Good ol' zombie gore. This movie does NOT disappoint on the guts and blood.
On a final note I'll leave you with an image straight out of my childhood nightmares. I'm not going to resize this I'm going to leave it in all it's giant clowny goodness.




Good luck sleeping tonight mother fucker.

9.02.2009

I'm a SHAAAAARK!!!

1:45 PM

That is all.

8.17.2009

Nail Art...LOL

10:21 PM



Ahh the Boosh Head.

8.16.2009

My Newest Obsession....

9:47 PM

http://www.myspace.com/robotsindisguise
So, I've been having my own miniature British invasion. From hilarious new shows I've discovered via BBC to music from MySpace hopping.

I'm in love there is nothing I can do to stop it! Robots in Disguise makes me feel like a disco queen (the gay kind ;) ) I strongly suggest if you have a weird taste in music that you check these girls out. Here are a couple of videos to get you started..


Turn It Up




The Sex Has Made Me Stupid
(side note: this contains quite racy robot porn! You're welcome.)


Lastly the newest single..

The Tears





Hope you all enjoy my newest obsession... I'm sure there will be another next week.

7.22.2009

OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!

3:27 PM




Please enjoy the above video my dahlings, it is the first teaser trailer for Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland.

:D

7.11.2009

The 40 year old rapist -Virgins need not apply.

2:00 PM


That's the picture he attached. At first I thought I wouldn't post it, but well he sent it to me so therefore it's mine to do as I wish. My wish is to post it here for public humiliation.. That's what he wanted after all, right?

So After the first mail I responded to him with:

Dear Dan, (his name is actually Don I just noticed that... LMAO)

This is an EXTRAORDINARILY unusual request. I have to admit this seems more like a fantasy than a way to get over your heart break. Why don't you tell me more about your situation?


Less than 30 minutes later I got this in response.

Hey there and thanks for your response!

You are a remarkably astute young woman, and you are exactly right. This is indeed a fantasy of mine, albeit one that originally grew out of some previous heartbreaks. And I will confess, while there is a part of me that kind of believes this will help me move forward, there is another wilder, more exhibitionistic side of me that wants to push the envelope a bit.

I'd be happy to tell you more about my situation and the various girls who broke my heart, the long-distance crushes I had on unattainable young girls, etc. But perhaps we should cut to the chase. Are you intrigued by this? Are you interested in seeing me act this crazy role-play thing out? Are you willing to participate in something extraordinarily unusual?

It sounds like you are! And if so I am simultaneously flattered, unbelievably thrilled and scared to death. As I'm sure you can appreciate, there is something both exciting and also kind of dangerous about acting on a deep-dark fantasy, especially one like this that involves humiliation.

For my part, I'm committed. I would really love to do this and when I saw your photos today I thought, "Yep. She's the one. She totally looks like she would be into this." Don't know how I knew that but I get a sense about people, even if just through their photos.

Do you want to try to set something up? Or perhaps we should talk on the phone first? I just want to make sure you are totally comfortable with everything. The last thing I would want to do is scare you off or offend you. I see that you're in Hesperia. I live in Santa Monica, which looks to be about 95 miles away. I would be more than happy to come to you, either to your place or to get a hotel room and meet up there. And I would love it if you could assemble a big group of girls, maybe 5-6? It would be awesome to have a great big group there.

Anyway, sorry to ramble. I'm just really happy to hear back from you. My number is (310) 913-4194 if you want to call me. If not, corresponding by e-mail is fine, too.

Look forward to hearing back from you soon... and to an interesting, extraordinary experience!

Don


Hope you enjoyed that. I haven't written back yet, but maybe we can brainstorm and figure out what to say next.. This is ridiculous.

-SAM

You want WHAT?!

3:15 AM


The above picture has nothing to do with the following story except it gives me the same feeling.
So I've been doing a little (very little) modeling recently and I have a profile posted on a site called Model Mayhem (www.modelmayhem.com) just for fun. Now I've gotten a few offers most bogus, some genuine, and some genuinely creepy. My favorite so far was an email I just received. I swear to god I am just copy and pasting here. I'm not adding or taking away ANYTHING. Here is the email in it's entirety. Delaney I know you'll like this one.

Hi NN!

I spotted your portfolio today on Model Mayhem and was really impressed. I love your whole nerd look and actually had a possible assignment for you along those lines.

I am a 28-year-old amateur photographer and magazine editor who regularly uses MM to cast photo shoots. I work very hard to keep things professional but it's been hard not to be blown away by the beauty of girls like you! In fact, I've fallen hard for a number of really beautiful young girls --- only to be rejected by all of them. It's been frustrating, but recently I came up with the crazy idea of turning my heartbreak into something silly.

Basically, the idea I had is that I would be the one who gets dressed up like a total nerd/geek and would meet up somewhere with a big group of cute young girls. You and your girlfriends would boss me around, make fun of me, and make me do whatever you want. The more you humiliate me and taunt me with your beauty the better!

Of course, I can pay you for your time! I was thinking like $50/person if you could get a bunch of your girlfriends together. We could do this wherever you want, but I would prefer not in a big public place. It would only be about 15-20 minutes, and I think it could be really fun if you're up for it. In a weird way, it would rhelp me get over my constantly falling for girls that are too young.

Anyway, let me know if you're at all interested. I know this isn't a modelling assignment and I admit it's an unusual request. But I promise you I am a totally normal, polite and discreet guy, completely safe and very professional. It's just that I have this idea I would love to act on one of these days!

I'm attaching a photo of me here so you can see what I look like. I'd love to hear back from you one way or the other. If you're up for it, awesome!! If not, thanks so much for reading this and best of luck with your modelling career.

Hope to hear from you and have a great weekend,

Don

There you have it darlings. I wrote him back just to see if anymore hilarity would ensue.I'll let you know what happens.


7.05.2009

You're a...

8:50 PM



You are now visiting "Ramblings of a Nerdy Ninja". My little brother (who is 9 btw) just informed me he has a blog called "Ramblings of a Ninja". What the hell? For one what the hell does a 9 year old blog about? Not to mention everything else that is wrong with that.

Seesh.

6.28.2009

Emergency!!!

1:56 AM


So Thursday morning I woke up to horrendous stomach pains and as I jumped out of be what did I find? That I was passing out. Not once, but twice. I woke up my husband who was FREAKED out to say the least (after last summers seizure). After the confusion cleared I told him I felt much better except for some pains in my lower stomach and chest I felt like I could get back to sleep. Hesitantly he agreed. About an hour later I woke up to the same thing except this time I couldn't breathe I tried to get out of bed only to have that same familiar feeling over take me, cold sweats, ringing in my ears, white spots in my vision and the feeling of my heart pounding in the back of my neck. So kicking and screaming (more like gasping and whining) the husband drags me to the hospital.
Upon arrival they take me back immediately (much to the disapproval of the man in front of us who was there with his father who *I swear to god* was there for "acne in his armpit"). Over the course of 7 hours they did the following to me:
* EKG- my heart is fine

*Took 3 vials of blood (although the nurse was awesome I didn't know she had poked me until she said "Almost done!")

*Made me pee in a cup. (I didn't realize how hard this was when you can't breathe)

*Gave me a shot of anti inflammatory something.

*Took chest XRAYS (Where I had to lift my arms over my head, which cut my breathing off to about 40%)

*Gave me an I.V. and injected it with florescent dye and took a CT Scan *the sudden onset of chest pains and trouble breathing in a girl my age could have meant blood clot to the lung* (Which I had to lay down during which cut my breathing to about 20%. Also the nurse who helped my get into a "comfortable" position told me that I would feel flushing in my face and neck when the dye was pushed through and I MIGHT feel like I have to pee. Well hate to break it to you buddy I DID pee.

So I waited two more hours (with the IV still in :( ) to find out... ready for the big diagnosis?!?!

I Pulled all the muscles in my chest and stomach. Also I fainted because of the anemia( which we already knew.)

I left with pain pills and muscle relaxers and a husband who won't let me off the couch for the next few days. I never realized how hard it was to sit still.

I can't imagine how much this is going to cost my uninsured ass, but what the hell at least I'm not going to die. Well the husbands coming I better run back to the couch!!!
Lots of Love,
SAM

6.25.2009

Alice in wonderland...

1:06 AM


As you may (or may not) know my neurotic hero is (and has been for as long as I can remember) has been Tim Burton. I can only imagine the beautifully dark place that exists between his ears. I can't think of anything more wonderful than getting to probe about in there for a bit. Seeing as how that will never happen the closest I can get is watching his movies. He's doing a remake of my favorite movies from childhood Alice in Wonderland. The sinister undertone of this story makes it a perfect tale to be retold through the eyes of the delightfully insane Mr. Burton. They've just released a few promo pictures and I thought I share them with you all.

Please enjoy.

Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen


Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter


Anne Hathaway as The White Queen


Matt Lucas as Tweedledee AND Tweedledum
Mia Wasikowska as Alice

Hooooraaaaaaaaaay!

6.22.2009

It's that time again kiddies...

6:42 PM

It's been a while since I posted anything so I figured to get back into the swing of things we should have a random thoughts post. Yes?...Yes.

*I almost beat up another nerd today.

*I watched the Bonaroo thing on Fuse today. The 'Heed boys did well. Yay NERDS! (not the nerd from the previous post, he get's no yay)

*I'm doing some modeling on Wednesday....wait, WHAT?

*I live with a makeup artist for the next couple of months. Delaney is jealous.

*I miss Delaney. :(

*I always steal Music from Angel's page. :D You find the coolest/ weirdest shit.

* The lipton cup of christ award.

*Pirate shirts.

*Thinking about Wednesday makes me want to throw up in my mouth.

*We're going to the beach on Thursday! YAY!!!!

*I love living in California

*Josh got all of his hair cut off. I may or may not hump his face. :)

I could keep going, but I won't I'm sure it will just get weirder.

-SAM

5.22.2009

I'm a douchebag... Also we're Moving.

11:15 PM

Take a moment to take in the SHEER FREAKIN' AWESOMENESS of this picture. Now guess what?!?!?! We're MOVING THERE!! wooohoooo! The ramblings will officially be coming to you from the GORGEOUS state of Arizona sometime after June 5th. I'll let you know when we're settled until then... FUCK YOU NORTH CAROLINA! I'm out!

5.06.2009

The worst person on the internet has been found.

6:15 PM



Captain's Log, Star Date, May 6th 2009.

Holy hell.

This is a serial killer/rapist waiting to happen. I'm going to troll for more of his videos lets see what sort of debauchery I run in to.



UPDATE: Oooh I hoped and I prayed to baby jesus that it got better. Guess what? IT DOES!

I now post two videos for your viewing pleasure...

"I am devoted to my sweetest Ivy." If this doesn't make you uncomfortable please cease communication with me. Kthanx!




AND....

"Confessions... I cheated on Ivy!" I laughed SO hard...I honestly peed just a little while watching this.

Ramblings Volume something...

5:11 PM



I believe people only die because they except death as an inevitability. I've convinced myself of this. Will I become immortal?

My belief in this thought means only one of two things. I'm either losing my mind OR (the more preferable of the two) I'm finding it...


Would we be able to fly if no one ever told us we couldn't?

4.28.2009

Current Obsession?

3:10 PM

The Lord of Dreams learns that one must change or die, and makes his decision.


Current comic obsession is The Sandman series by Neil Gaiman. It's beautifully illustrated heavy on the macabre. It's not for everyone it's been described as "The intellectuals comic strip." I know why the hell am I reading it, right?
I actually found out about this through a Tori Amos song "Horses" the lyric is

if there is a way

to find you I will find you
but will you find me if

Neil makes me dream?


After I finish the first volume I'll post a bit more about it. It's hard to get back into reading American comics I'm so used to reading Manga that I keep reading from right to left instead of left to right.. :P



4.22.2009

I have returned!

7:57 PM



Where the hell have I been you ask? In space? On some magical journey to a mystic land? On a relaxing vacation to a forgotten land? The answer? Nope, I've been right here at home working my nards off. Spring and sprung as they say and spring is a VERY busy time for our business. Time to get planting, wholesaling and retailing. I will make more of an effort to keep up the blog, but the first few weeks of spring are HECTIC around the house. Nothing snazzy to report on. I miss you ALL!!!

-Sam